


13x18 Coda

by Piper_Halliwell1979



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Comforting Castiel, Developing Relationship, Emotional Dean Winchester, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Language, First Kiss, Guilt, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, No Smut, Outbursts, Rough Kissing, Season/Series 13, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-25 02:40:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14369133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper_Halliwell1979/pseuds/Piper_Halliwell1979
Summary: After Dean's breakdown from coming back from Apocalypse World, Cas decides it's best for him to be the one to talk to him.





	13x18 Coda

Sam took a step forward towards Dean but Cas put up a hand to keep him back. Despite Sam’s instinct to calm his brother, it was futile in the moment. It was best to let Dean have some time alone before either man approached him. It also gave Cas time to think of what to say.

 

Dean went to his room, sank down beside his bed, and sobbed into his hands. Everything they worked for was slipping away. Right through their fucking fingers. Fucking Gabriel. Of course he’d run off at the first sign of trouble. Probably left another  _ Casa Erotica _ DVD laying around. The tears dried to a sniffle.

 

_ Tap, tap, tap _ .

 

“Fuck off, Sam.”

 

_ “Dean, it’s me.” _

 

“Yeah, fine. Come in, Cas.” Dean wiped at his red eyes.

 

Cas handed him a beer before sitting down beside him on the floor. “I’m sorry.”

 

Dean’s stomach tightened. “Fuck. You don’t...it’s not your fault, man. It’s your flaky ass brother. Should've known he’d flap out the minute you got his marbles back in the sack.”

 

Cas sipped his own beer. “What you said, about not coming back...starting to think my coming back has been pointless. I failed to protect Jack. I’ve failed to keep Gabriel here when we need him to open the portal. I got myself captured  _ with _ Lucifer. Let him get away. I...fucked up. Again.”

 

Dean’s beer suddenly tasted sour and his stomach lurched.  _ His words. His words made Cas feel...fuck.  _ “That’s not what I meant. Damnit, Cas. When are you gonna get it through your thick skull that you ain’t some  _ tool _ ? Something me and same gotta  _ use? _ ”

 

“Well I haven’t been very useful,” Cas admitted. “Not in any way I planned to be.”

 

“That ain’t your purpose, man. You think I’d damn near grieve myself to death over losing a gun or a hammer? You think I’d stab myself with a poison needle over something I was just  _ using? _ ”

 

Cas’ head snapped up. “You what? Why the hell would you do that?”

 

Dean set down his bottle and shook his head. “Thought you were dead. Thought Mom was dead. So goddamned depressed I was weighing Sammy down like concrete boots. I thought...I thought I’d free the spirits and my one last deed.”

 

Castiel growled. His nostrils flared. “How could you even  _ think _ that? That your life doesn’t matter?”

 

Dean’s eyes stung. His voice was barely above a whisper. “Nothing mattered anymore, Cas.” 

 

Castiel’s eyes widened. “Dean? You would...die? Because I was gone? Why?”

 

Dean looked over at him with steel eyes. “Because I love you, you dumb sonofabitch! There! Happy? I got my heart shattered in a million pieces when I saw your wings on the ground. I begged and I  _ prayed _ and I tried to make deals. In the end I wrapped you up,” voice breaking, “I carried you out,” sobs, “I watched you burn to ashes, Cas.”

 

Cas swept him up in a crushing embrace. His chest ached with Dean’s pain. He tried to soothe and comfort Dean, stroking his hair. Their stubble scraped as Dean nuzzled them into a hurried kiss. Cas was a little stunned but he eagerly reciprocated.

 

Just as suddenly, Dean pulled away. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Cas. I...I shouldn’t have done that.”

 

Cas gripped Dean’s jacket in both fists. “You’re not taking this back.” He pulled Dean into a fiery, deep kiss. The dam burst and he wasn’t holding it in. He crowded Dean back against the door, pressing their chests together.

 

Dean’s arms wrapped around his waist. He held Cas roughly, kissing back, moaning into it before panic set in again. “Cas...Cas, wait. What the hell are we doing?”

 

“Something that took damn long to happen,” he replied. Cas kissed down Dean’s neck.

 

Dean hit his head back on the door. It felt so good. Too good. “Cas,” he whined. “We gotta stop. We can’t…”

 

Cas pulled back. “We can.”

 

“I’m...I ain’t right, right now. You’re just trying to comfort me and I crossed a line.”

 

Cas rolled his eyes. “You are so...infuriating. You really don’t get it, do you?”

 

“Get what?” Dean blinked.

 

“That I love you too, you...you dumb sonofabitch!”

 

Dean flinched at Cas’ outburst. “Cas…”

 

Cas turned away from him to pace. “You...I came back for you! You needed me and...I needed you, too. Then you go and jump dimensions without even telling me what you had planned and all I could think about was you getting hurt or...killed. And you come back and say things like it wasn’t worth it to come back. It...it hurt me.”

 

Quietly, “I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I didn’t mean it that way. I was disappointed in myself. For not getting it right.  _ I  _ fucked up. Not you. Not...Sam. Hell, not even Gabe. He got pulled out of Hell and we’re trying to throw his ass back in the fire. All I could see was the endgame. Didn’t care who I burned by the means. I’m sorry, Cas.”

 

“I’m sorry, too. This isn’t all on you. We’re in this together. I pushed Gabriel. I should have given him more time. I was trying to get him back. It’s my fault we gave him the grace.”

 

Dean shook his head. “No, no. You did what you had to do. He may be a douche but he’s still your brother.” Smirks, “How many things have I fucked up by putting Sammy or  _ you _ first. Family first.”

 

Cas approached him again, this time at arm’s length. “My son and your mother are over there. This  _ is _ about family first.” Dean crossed his chest to place his hand over Cas’.

 

“This...what happened...between us…”

 

Cas offered a small smile. “It will still be here, Dean. If you need more time.”

 

Dean blushed and tried to smile back. “Yeah. Uh...timing’s off. Apocalypse and Michael…”

 

Cas reached up to cup Dean’s jaw and thumb his cheek. Dean leaned into it. “Hey, we’ll make time.” He brushed his lips chastely against Dean’s.

 

Dean tilted his head to press their foreheads together. “I got a little time. I’m just exhausted. Seeing Charlie again, taking a slug to my shoulder...wouldn’t be good company tonight.”

 

“I could stay? Watch over you?” Cas offered.

 

“Yeah. You could. Just...don’t camp out in the chair all night. Kick off your shoes. Bed’s big enough for both of us.”

 

“Alright, Dean.” Cas shrugged off a couple layers and removed his shoes and tie. Dean got down to just his tee shirt and jeans and curled up on his side on the bed. He looked over his shoulder.

 

“Get your ass into bed, Cas.”

 

Cas happily complied.


End file.
